Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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