This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
