summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
