Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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