Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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