look no pants
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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