Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
