Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
