this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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