watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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