the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
