my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
