OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
