ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
