I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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