I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
