I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
