It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
