youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
