k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I need to sanitize my soul.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
