U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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