FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
