If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
