Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
