So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
