i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
