WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
