I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
