I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
