Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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