like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
