You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
