First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Come on in and take your pants off
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