You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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