i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
