I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
