Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
