if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
