He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
