Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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