so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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