Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
