She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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