This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
