i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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