New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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