I love black thongs
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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