The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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