When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
