The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
