Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
