we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
