I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
