Duck Duck Cougar?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
