im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
