Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
