It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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