I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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